You must learn to say no.....

You must learn to say no.....

My heart goes out to all those affected by Hurricane Sandy. I was lucky enough to avoid the devastation of the severe storm as my book tour has taken me to the West Coast and to Hawaii; I hope that all readers are managing to deal with the huge challenges that an event of such magnitude presents. It is during times such as these that we must, more than ever, call on our tools to help us maintain our health and deal with stress effectively by responding to stress, rather than being overtaken by the stress response for long periods of time.

I want to continue with my presentation of the nine natural steps by introducing the third step, learning to say “No.” It’s something that was critical in my recovery and that I still find myself coming back to again and again

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The difficulty that we often experience in saying No, in being true to what we really want, can be a significant cause of stress. Whenever we are not true to ourselves, we create disharmony that is painful or that gradually festers and saps our life of joy. By learning to say No to whatever is detrimental to your well-being and instead following your innermost feelings, you will experience a strong sense of contentment in your life and in the decisions you make. Even when inevitable bad times or challenges arise, you will be able to weather those storms with inner strength.

Saying No is one of the most important ingredients in a life filled with peace of mind and contentment. This is not a No rooted in cynicism or emotional withdrawal; with the ability to say No comes balance and healthy boundaries. Despite the benefits of this universally understood word, many of us have a hard time saying it for fear of upsetting someone else, and we may end up feeling burdened, resentful, and even victimized. Ironically, we forget that we were the ones who said Yes in the first place.

From time to time you may find yourself looking back and wishing you had chosen differently in a decision. Maybe you entered a career you didn’t really want or married someone who wasn’t right for you or took on more responsibility as you tried to get a bigger home, and now you find that these decisions haven’t brought you the happiness you expected. There are no guarantees in life, but wherever you are, you can begin living in closer alignment with your innermost feelings starting today, knowing that you can’t be sure of what will happen, but at least you did your best. That is where the courage lies.