why you are not mine ......

why you are not mine ......

0001. She walks down the aisle, my eyes are with tears. I know this is the moment she’s been waiting for all these years. I watch from afar, this thing I can’t hide. The pain of being a bridesmaid when I was supposed to be the bride. 0002. My heart skipped a beat when I saw you again. The man of my dreams, that’s what you are now and then. I was just about to tell the girl beside me that you’re my life when suddenly, she told me, “I’m his wife.” 0003. “I love you” doesn’t really mean that I want you to be mine. In fact, it’s another way of saying, “I’m happy to see you happy with someone new even if it’s killing me.” So I guess I love you. 0004. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh. But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. 0005. Before, I asked God to give me someone special to love. I found you then lost you. I asked God why and He answered, “But my child, the one you asked for asked for somebody else.” 0006. Maybe the gods were sleeping when I asked for you. Maybe the angels were somewhere else when I wished for you. Cause if they only heard me praying and wishing so hard, she wouldn’t have you, I would. 0007. It’s so easy to play with love, so easy to fool someone, so easy to make someone cry. But it’s so hard if you’re the one who’s played with, fooled and the one who cried. 0008. It’s hard not to love you, it’s hard not to care and it’s hard to live without you. But I have to try cause it’s harder to bear the pain of knowing you don’t feel the same. 0009. I’ve come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless then I found myself wondering why of all the people in the world I can fall in love with, I fell for someone who can never be mine. 0010. Sometimes it’s hard to say no when you really mean yes, it’s hard to close your eyes when you really want to see, it’s hard to forget when you really can’t and the hardest is to go when you really want to stay. 0011. Once in my life, I met someone whom I loved and cared for. I gave everything, I fought for him. But one thing I forgot to do is to ask if he wanted me to. 0012. It hurts to say goodbye to a person you love knowing that life won’t be the same without him. But it’s better to give up rather than to fight knowing that you’re the only one fighting. 0013. I’m tormented, I’m crushed, I don’t know what to do. I’m confused, I’m lost, I totally got no clue. I know I love you. Yeah, that’s true. But when will you start loving me too? 0014. Sometimes I get so happy being with you that I just wanna hug you. But then I get scared that you will hug me back. And then it gets too damn hard when you decide it’s already time to let go. 0015. Whoever said that death was the hardest part was wrong. Letting go and realizing I will never feel your arms around me again is even harder. 0016. I envy the one you love, the one whom you belong to. But I’ve thought much to realize how envious the one you love could get if only she had known that I am the one who can love you best. 0017. I wish you’ve never been so sweet, I wish you weren’t too special, I wish you never became my world. The problem is you are. I wish I didn’t know you and I wish I didn’t love you. The problem is I do. 0018. I pretended to be deaf when I heard you. I pretended to be blind when I saw the two of you. I tried not to get hurt when I was supposed to. Cause when I saw you happy with someone else, I pretended that I was the one with you. 0019. What can she do that I can’t do? What can she make you feel that I can’t? Why can’t you feel that way for me too? What does she have that I don’t? Forget I asked. I already know. She has you. 0020. I’m through with sentimental quotes, I’m through with sad goodbyes, I’m through with all the pain he gave me. I just hope I’ll be through with him so everything won’t be a big lie. 0021. Don’t say that I have forgotten cause I still haven’t. As you can see, I’m here again in front of you, bringing you flowers like any lover would do. I like us to be together but you really must wait. For now I can only promise that I’ll be by your grave. 0022. Sometimes I want to pinch myself to make sure that having you in my life ain’t a dream. But I’m also afraid that if I pinch myself, I might wake up and realize that you’re really just a dream. 0023. If I only knew you’d hurt me, I wouldn’t have loved so deep. I would have saved my heart from breaking cause it’s not for you to keep. If I only knew you’d fool me, I wouldn’t have been so blind. I would have opened my eyes to reality and stopped your game in time. 0024. One day, love and friendship met. Love asked, “Why do you exist when I already exist?” Friendship smiled and said, “To put a smile where you leave tears.” 0025. Some people love not really wishing to end up together. Some people leave not really willing to go. I love not expecting to be loved back. I leave not because I know I’ll be followed. I love cause I love. I leave cause I let go. 0026. Do you wanna know the difference between the two of us? I trusted you that’s why I held on. I loved you that’s why I let you go. But you? You just left me without any valid reason. 0027. I broke somebody’s heart today. I said I couldn’t stay. I said I love somebody else and he let me have my way. I told him I couldn’t love him back although he’s sweet and true. I was being unfair to him cause I had been wishing he was you. 0028. Three words I wish to say, three words that might scare you away. Don’t you know those three words describe who you are to me? But probably right now those three words that I wish to say are the same words you said to her. 0029. No more crying, I can’t cry anymore. Don’t take my hand this time, just go. And please don’t look back cause I know if you do, I would come running back to you. 0030. I want to be able to hold your hand when I am hurting instead of having to hold someone else's because you are the one hurting me. 0031. Why do you have to make me fall when you're not going to catch me? It hurts that you didn't catch me the moment I fell and it hurts even more to see you catch someone else while I was falling. 0032. I know as long as you are happy, I can get through this. But it still kills me to see you with her. Not because she is perfect for you, not because she makes you smile, not because she is what you need but because she's my best friend. 0033. No matter how loud I laugh, I’m still not happy. No matter how hard I cry, the sadness inside grows. The more people love me, the more I feel empty. I just need you to love me for all the pain to go. 0034. He has the power to hurt me and I’m afraid if I let him know what I feel then that’s exactly what he’ll do. But even if he does hurt me, I’ll find some reason to understand why. It’s just that he can do no wrong in my eyes. 0035. I’m not afraid of ghosts, I’m not afraid of disasters and I have no fear in death. But there’s one thing I’m really afraid of. It’s the time you’ll stop loving me. 0036. Just when questions seemed endless, it suddenly became clear. You came not to love me but to teach me how to love. Then you walked away without any idea how much I’ve learned and how much it hurts. 0037. Sometimes I get so fed up that I just want to walk away from you. But what hurts me is that I know you’re not going to follow. 0038. Why is it so easy to love and yet so hard to be loved back? Why should I feel such if destiny permits me not? Why do I have to fall if it’s you I can’t have? Why is there a you and me but never be an us? 0039. One night, someone noticed a star losing its usual bright glow and asked the star why. Then it answered, “I’ve grown tired and weak shining for someone whose glance has never been mine.” 0040. You said you’ll wait for me but you didn’t. You said we’ll be together but we weren’t. You said you care but obviously, you don’t. Now you say you don’t love me. Well, guess what? I know. 0041. What we had was perfect, what we had was true. I loved you completely and so did you. But what we had is now over, it’s all in the past. I just have to accept that some good things never last. 0042. I would have taken care of you. I would have loved being in your arms. I would have loved loving you back. All you had to do was ask and there could have been something we could call “us”. 0043. It wasn't the way my heart ached when you told her you loved her. It was the way my heart broke for you when she told you she didn't want you that way. That was how I knew I loved you. 0044. You were sitting at one place. I sat beside you and asked what happened, you walked away. I was about to run after you but then I realized that we were sitting on my grave. 0045. When you love someone, you give everything without thinking twice, deny the truth, believe in lies, do crazy things that you can’t explain and cry over things that hurt you but still stay and say, “I’m okay.” 0046. I never thought I would dream about you. In my dream, you said you love me too. Now I wake up and find you. I want you to tell me those words all over again but what the heck? You just keep on waking me up. 0047. It’s nice to know that you’re sweet enough to say that you’d pick someone just like me to spend your life with. But it’s just so painful to see that you’re spending your life with someone who’s just like me but not me. 0048. A guy said to a girl, “You’re nice. The guy you love is lucky.” Then after a while, he showed her a picture, “She’s my girl.” And the girl said, “You know what? She’s luckier cause the guy I love loves her.” 0049. The rain reminds me of you, how cold you are, how gloomy you make me feel, how many tears I’ve shed because of you, how much damage you’ve caused and how stupid I am for still needing you. 0050. Life is indeed unfair. There are times when I’d stare at the sky at night and wonder why you are my entire universe when I’m not even a little star in yours. 0051. I’m always pretending I’m happy when I couldn’t even smile, keep on pretending I’m not hurt now that he’s no longer mine. What would I do if he loves someone new? I’ll just pretend I don’t love him too. 0052. Just when I’m almost over you, you begin to show up again and make me feel special. Is this how you operate? For if it is, I hate you cause damn it! I’m falling for you all over again. 0053. I never thought this would happen, I really didn’t know. But I guess it’s better if you just let go. I’m really gonna miss you and everything you did for me. Cause as long as she owns you, this love could never be. 0054. I needed someone so I tried to talk to you but you were in a hurry. I tried to call you but you said you were busy. I wanted to tell you how I feel, to tell you I love you. Now you’ll never know cause guess what? I’ve learned to let go. 0055. There are times that I’m about to give up cause there’s no way I can make you mine. But why is it that every time I’m ready to let go, I end up falling for you all over again? 0056. How do I say goodbye to someone I never had? Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? Why do I miss someone who I was never with? And why do I love someone whose love was never mine? 0057. You’ve hurt me once, you’ve hurt me twice but all I did was shut my eyes. For in reality that everyone can see, I love you more than you love me. 0058. I can say I’m fine when you don’t see me cry. I can say I can move on when I couldn’t even try. I can say I’m happy when I just want to die. But I can’t say I still love you when you said goodbye. 0059. If all is fair, why did you hurt me so? If all ends well, why did you have to go? If happily ever after is true then why am I here crying over you? 0060. Here I am, trying to make a fool out of myself, pretending I like someone new and showing everyone I don’t care about you. But if you only know what I’m going through, this heart will always belong to you. 0061. Is it possible to cry without tears flowing? Is it possible to be hurt without feeling? Is it possible to be forgiven without pleading? Is it possible for you to love me without me hurting? 0062. Slowly, I broke down, tears fell from my eyes, my heart shattered into pieces, all the sweet memories played inside my mind. And like that I stayed while watching you walk out of my life. 0063. Sometimes the best way to say I love you is to hold his hand, give it to the one he loves, let go, pretend it’s okay when deep inside, you’re dying. 0064. People tell me to stop loving you in a dream world cause I’ll never get what I want but they’re wrong cause the only thing I want is you and to have you, well, dreams are the only things I can count on. 0065. Are you aware that my heaven is missing an angel? I wanna let you know that you’re that angel. But no, I’m not taking you back cause maybe you’re no longer happy in the heaven where we both used to be. 0066. Why is it that I’m always hurt by the one I love and always being loved by the people who shouldn’t be loving me? The sad thing here is though I try to choose the one who loves me, my heart still longs for the one who hurts me. 0067. The day you broke my heart, I dropped a tear in the sea. I was lost and distorted, without you I can’t be me. And when they find that tear, that single drop of pain, that’s the one and only time this heart forgets your name. 0068. You always say you hate to see me hurt, you hate to see me cry. So all of those times you’ve hurt me, were you closing your eyes? 0069. I know I shouldn’t care or wonder how you are. But I just can’t hide the pain inside my broken heart. I’m fighting back emotions I’ve never fought before. Cause I’m not supposed to love you anymore. 0070. Don’t look at me and say goodbye. Don’t whisper words to make me cry. Just walk away if you have to go. You will break my heart but I promise I would never let you know. 0071. I hope I never met you so I wouldn’t have fallen for you and I wouldn’t have to struggle with my feelings cause I know it’s impossible. Please tell me what to do. Should I just keep distance and try to forget you? 0072. For many times I said I wouldn’t love you anymore yet every time I lay my eyes on you, my heart starts to state these silent words, “I’m still not over you.” 0073. I said I didn’t cry much when you went away. I told you I can move on and I will be okay. I said I was happy when you found someone new. The sad thing is you believed me though I didn’t want you to. 0074. Sad reality: I love him but I’ve fallen for you. I can’t leave him but I can’t bear losing you. He gives me the world but you mean the world to me. Now should I cling to my past or should I let you pass? 0075. My angel told me that to prove my love for you, I should show it and I should say it. I told her I already did. She asked how. I answered with tears, “I let her go.” 0076. Don’t be surprised if one day I’ll avoid you and be gone. It’s not because you’ve done something wrong and I hate you but because I’m afraid to love and be hurt again by somebody who cant love me back. 0077. Sad: I’ve fallen in love so many times but love never gave me a chance to know how it feels to be loved back by the person I love so much. 0078. Why do I have to leave you now that I’m madly in love with you? Why do I have to say goodbye now that my everything is you? Why do I have to set you free now that all I need is you? And why must you love another when I am here loving you? 0079. You’ve broken my heart by making me fall and now I wish I never knew you at all. You’ve played me around as if I were some kind of game and now things will never be the same. But here I am, still as stupid as I can be, hoping and wishing that you will still love me. 0080. You promised to take care of me but you hurt me. You promised to give me joy but you brought me tears. You promised your love but you gave me pain. Me? I promised you nothing but I gave you my heart. 0081. I said I miss you. You said you miss me more. You said goodbye. I said, “Why too soon?” You said “I love you.” I said, “So why do you have to go?” You said, “Cause my friend is in love with you.” 0082. I feel like finally, it’s over. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Finally, I could smile again. But every once in a while, it comes back. I remember how I lost the only person I’ve ever loved and then I realize I still do. 0083. If time would come that I’d have to let you go, I’d let you believe that I fooled you. I know this would hurt but it would hurt more if you’ll find out that I loved you but I couldn’t fight for you. 0084. A stolen glance, he looked this way. It must be my chance, must be my day. In his eyes, a gentle gaze. He spoke words so soft and true, “Tell your friend I love her, will you?” 0085. You told me you love me but I don’t wanna believe it. You asked me to believe you but I didn’t. You know why? How can you tell me you love me if I saw a reflection of another girl in your eyes? 0086. It’s sad when you want someone but you’d have to give up someone else to get them. Then when you’ve already done that, you find out that the one you gave up once also gave up everything for you. 0087. It’s okay if you can’t love me nor even think of me. I’m not asking you to. It’s really okay for me if you can’t cause you see? What I told you was “I love you” not “please love me too”. 0088. Are you really insensitive or are you just playing stupid? Cause you’re there wondering why I can’t seem to look, why I’m keeping distance from you. Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m falling in love with you. 0089. Fairy tales usually start with “once upon a time” and end with “and they lived happily ever after”. But for us it’s “they lived happily ever after once upon a time”. 0090. Everyday, I walk towards you hoping that I’d somehow get to be with you for at least a moment. But it’s hard for me to catch up when you’re also trying to catch up with someone else. 0091. Teach me how to be strong before you go. Teach me how to believe in your lies. Teach me how to control my tears before I start to cry. Teach me how to make you mine before you say goodbye. 0092. I wonder why just when I learned to wait, it was when you never came. I wonder why just when I learned to laugh, it was when you made me cry. And I wonder why just when I’ve learned to love you, it was when you said goodbye. 0093. You think I’ll cry? You think I’ll breakdown? Damn, you’re wrong! I knew your games before, I just played along. If you think I’m stupid, yup, you’re right! I fell for a player with his game I couldn’t fight. 0094. It’s unfair to think so much of you when you’re not missing me at all, to cry when you never shed a tear, to love when you say words that hurt my heart and to live when you breathe for someone else. 0095. He holds me when I start to cry, makes me smile with just his eyes. He shares my hopes, dreams, and fears. He wipes away all my tears. I love him without regret. I just haven’t found him yet. 0096. You’re there but not really. You’re mine but not really. I never really had you so I never really lost you. I suppose I’ll just be this someone wishfully thinking. I had you, you had me but then again not really.